Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in rcschica's LiveJournal:

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Friday, February 8th, 2008
7:29 am	Back to Camp man...i cant sleep. just a little too excited for that! im going back to camp this weekend to work the winter trailblazer camp. SO EXCITING!!!!! and im bringing 6 friends with me. should be a good weekend! as i think about camp, i just get so excited :-). all these memories from the summer are flooding back. showering with rob and karen. BLUE POWER and the handshake with fish and rob. worship motions with them too. SBC!!!!! and so many more. its a little sad to know im going back but things will be very different - all these people won't be there. but God is still there and thats the important thing! im excited to see the new chapel. and i hope i see some campers from the summer that i know and remember. i hope im in a cabin that i like (aka winter or autumn) and not the other ones (aspen and cedar). cedar's my favorite in the summer, but it's the farthest away and in knee-deep snow with icy roads, it's not fun! i hope that i will grow from this weekend and so will all of my friends who are going. and the kids will too. im really excited about my friends who are coming - i know it will pull us closer (it always does) and that's awesome! and God has just blessed me so much this week school-wise (and everything else). ive officially done all my hw due monday and don't have that much more to think about this weekend. usually by the end of the week im pretty drained from school but im not. ive been getting lots of sleep this week and gotten a lot done. and this whole living situation thing for next year has been pretty stressful...but it is 99% (all but officially) resolved as of last night at 11! so that's another big thing off my mind! God is so good... switching the subject. it's aso weekend and im so sad i cant be there!!!!! i had a blast seeing everyone yesterday - i miss my friends! its weird as i start becoming less and less student and more and more music educator...i run into colleagues (almost) in the halls and its weird to be on their level now. WEIRD. but dr. mason said some pretty encouraging things to me which was awesome to hear :-). and i just love mindi - she's awesome and it's always fun to see her!!! that's weird too...not just teachers in general but someone who was MY teacher is now treating me like we're both in the same position. but i also had a blast hanging out with my friends who were there :-)!!! too bad it wasnt longer... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i need to pack and im just so excited!!!!!!!!!!! Current Mood: awake (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 24th, 2008
8:01 pm	Old Wounds Resurface i hate crying. especially in front of people. last night was great. [sarcastic] emotional pain. some passes quickly. some stays. in my case, certain things were buried deep enough in me that i dont feel it most of the time. i dont even have to consciously try to not think about it anymore. i just dont. but then, something happens. and it comes up. like last night. on an intellectual level, it all makes sense. there was nothing personal. nobody was trying to cut me out. we were trying to get a group together, and we decided on thursday nights because i couldn't come on tuesdays. but then, when everyone was there (except me), they took a survey and more people could make it tuesday nights than thursday nights. that's the fact of the situation...and i know that in my mind. but, because of my experiences, hearing that really hurts me. not because it's anything particularly hurtful but because of my own baggage. it affects me differently than it does other people. and that's what happened. and somehow, it just set me off...broke too many emotions loose in me. poor angelina, trying to figure out what was wrong. and i didnt want to tell her because it was something she did...but it wasnt her fault. luckily she's smart enough to figure it out. and what a blessing from God! she told me how worried she was about hurting me by changing the day because she knows my history with that. and she kept on affirming me, my value, my worth, and how much she cared. all this talk about significance, i know i still have issues with finding my significance in other people. issues i need to work through. ive been thinking a lot about this. as hard as it was, last night was also really healing. the only way to undo these messages ive been told (and have therefore been programmed to where i also think them) is to hear the opposite messages. and repeat them. until i can de-program my mind and reprogram it to the truth. everything comes back to the truth. last night i found out that i truly do have friends who care and love me a lot. not that i didnt know it. it was just proven again last night. the way angelina sat with me and listened and was SO sensitive to me and my needs. she cared. and i could see how much my pain was hurting her too. thats caring. thats friendship. same thing with lindy. she cared so much. and my roomies too. and just all the support i got from especially erin, steph, rian, adam, robby, ashleigh...the list could go on and on. i am loved. and the thing about the messages in my brain, somehow they translate to God. like if people cant love me, it's just a reflection of God...He can't love me either. but when i am met with love, love, love all over...it's a reflection of God's love for me. and its overwhelming. im glad i have good friends to support me through this. and to help me work through it. and to challenge me and pull it out of me, even when it's painful. and that was last night. Current Mood: sad (Comment on this)
Monday, January 21st, 2008
12:01 am	Search for Significance so...(my classic opening line)...as i start thinking about going through this book this semester my mind has been a lot on a search for significance. i think its a need that plagues everyone. but how it plays out for me... primarily i search for significance in relationships. i get jealous when i feel like someone's taking my place. i am happy and feel good about myself when someone confides in me. when someone makes time for me, i feel valuable. when they have to cancel on me, even for a good and completely understandable reason, i feel incredibly left out. and this is just talking in general. as my roommate is getting married in may and another one of my best friends is in a very good relationship, my mind wanders into the category of boys. no guy has ever asked me out. THAT brings up insecurity issues. how many girls get to college without ever having a boyfriend, let alone never having the opportunity for one? i also search for significance in my school/work. why else would it bother me so much that i suck at violin and cant live up to my studio's standards for me? when i get good reviews about my teaching, i feel great about myself. when i get an "A" in a class, it somehow translates to a high self-worth. when my violin student has a bad lesson because she hasnt practiced all week, i feel like a failure as a teacher. see the problem with that? because of her irresponsibility, i feel like a failure. i cant hold myself responsible for her actions. but i could have motivated her more or emphasized the need to practice more or something. there are many places to look for significance. i have a certain friend who feels like his life is worth something when he's helping people. when he's needed. but basically, to me, it comes down to relationships and performance. if i have great relationships with every single person in my life and perform exceptionally on everything, i will feel good about myself. forget it. i cant do that. its impossible! i will always fail in some part of my life. if even one friendship is a little rocky, i wont feel good. if i had a bad lesson one week, no amount of good will make me feel like less of a screw-up in that area. and more and more, im coming to the conclusion that that's what happens when we base our significance in things other than Jesus Christ. i like to feel valued. everyone does. and Jesus has told us that we have immense value and worth...not because of what we do or who we are friends with, but just because we are. what a revolutionary message. our culture is built around a performance mentality. perform well, earn favor, go well in life. thats completely opposite to what Jesus talks about. He was always yelling at the people who performed well and showing respect to those who were basket cases. who am i, really? the real me...that is who i want to be loved as. i dont want people to love the person they think i am, i just want them to love me. the real me. where do i get my significance? everything but God will always fail. meaning my significance will fluctuate. but it doesnt work that way, does it? that's just perception. my value shouldn't change as my emotions change. it's just how i look at myself. i dont want my value to depend on my violin playing (im screwed) or school (which, honestly, has been great so far) or my relationships (which are always up and down). i want it to be based on something more lasting than that. and the more i do, the more confident i am. relationships rise and fall, and i still feel the effects of that but it doesn't change who i am. im disappointed when i dont perform well, but it doesnt mean im a horrible human being. and even when everything in the world is crashing down on me (i.e. exactly one week ago), there is still something solid to hang on to. God, the Rock of all ages. when im swimming in a sea of chaos, He is the only stable and steady thing there. for my entire life. it blows my mind. and that's why i am valuable. because He thinks so and demonstrates it by loving me and paying attention to me, one of the 6 billion whatever people on the earth. i am worth it. and that changes everything. Current Mood: contemplative (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 8th, 2008
9:55 pm	So. It's been awhile. haha so here's a quick update...sorry im a slacker... break is good and bad. i really miss boulder. but i love seeing my family and c-springs friends. its like i have two families now...using families broadly as support systems, communities...in colorado springs and in boulder. and whenever im away from one i miss the other. maybe i should add a third as camp, lol... but yeah. bottom line is, i want to go back. rest has been good. very good. to the point where im bored and antsy. im ready to do something again. but its felt amazing to sleep...read...have time to play board games and sudoku and not be running to my next class/activity every minute. yay rest! school next semester will be interesting. i have too many classes. not sure how that will work out. on the upside, i have fridays off!!!!! :-) went to life impact (a conference) earlier this week and it rocked. actually it was a big struggle for me. but the conference itself was awesome. im a little biased...it was run by my roommate. still, though, putting a conference together for 400 people is quite a job and it came off really smoothly!!!!! God is pretty amazing, we saw some cool things there :-)! new things...a couple from camp is married, two more engaged, and one had a baby. in boulder life, one of our staff members just had his 5th kid. SO CUTE!!!!! :-D i just love kids. i want to start working in the church nursery cuz i miss kids...i see the pruetts, gregorys, and meeses a lot (our staff members' kids...which actually between them they have 18 kids...) but still. and last but not least, my roommate is engaged which is SO EXCITING! i love watching her and david interact, its so obvious that they make each other so happy but still honor God so much with their relationship and its really different from a "normal" couple. i feel so privileged to learn from them...to see jenny go through the whole thing from not knowing he was interested in her to being engaged. ive learned so much and i admire them so much. and its fun to do the "awwwwwwwwwwwww" thing when they do something particularly cute :-). i feel like im getting old...haha kara and i were talking about that today. my friends are off getting married and engaged and having babies. yikes! ill turn 20 this year. wow. its interesting to see how people change. and by interesting i mean exciting and/or saddening. i was talking with kara today (we talked for a long time) about this too. its sad to see some friends make choices that they might regret. not because im better or more moral or whatever but i know that they will end up hurting themselves. its inevitable. and i dont want to wish that on my friends. but then there are other people that just make you proud to be their friends...they have grown a lot in college and are more mature, gracious, responsible, less judgmental, and more Godly people! i love that! its such a reward to see. and everyone grows and changes a lot in college. its fun when theres people that you knew before, otherwise you dont get (and them for you) the full picture of the change! went back to coronado today. that was fun. i love mindi. good luck on conducting her first all-state orchestra!!!!! haha there are 3 string music ed students (for all practical purposes) in my year...me, rhonda, james. go d-11!!! grrrrrrrrrrr i know im going to have to have a hard talk one of these days (like as soon as i get back) and im not looking forward to it. but other than that, cant wait...i just love boulder...and challenge...my family there! and this was really random. called lack of sleep and too much to write. hopefully more later...if im better about it!!! Current Mood: sleepy (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 28th, 2007
5:59 pm	Life is busy. Who knew? well, ive been bad at updating...haha. school: school is going well, i love my education classes and going into the classroom. its helped me be sure that this is what i want to do. although its also been stressful cuz its midterm time, its going pretty well. im back to 2 lessons a week (from 3) so that helps a lot. im learning so much and i always come away inspired, especially from lessons with judith. im planning my schedule for next semester which is gonna be stressful but what can ya do...anyway im super ready for thanksgiving break cuz its just been long but good. 3 more weeks!!! work: i love working with hpys and have been having with my kids from there. im also teaching violin lessons which is so good and good practice when i work with 3 girls at once. such good practice that will really help me...concert's next week which is kinda crazy, i dont know if i can go or not cuz i have my own concert that night. welcome to my life, lol. home: i absolutely love my house and neighborhood and its a huge blessing to be living here. ive been challenged lately to go deeper with my roomies. we have an amazing time together and i love em all but sometimes we dont go as deep as we could with each other. and i want, i long for those deep relationships. yesterday we hosted our huge annual halloween party here which was good but pretty stressful and im so tired now...worked all day to get the house ready and then was up late. and friday too. so basically im pretty sleep deprived today. i also just love being a part of the neighborhood and being able to help out and be close to a lot of stuff, it makes life easier. my friends are awesome :-). i loved seeing some friends from high school yesterday!!! it was good to see them, they were visiting from denver. but back to roomies its been soooooooooooo good to go through stuff together and learn from each other, how we deal with different situations, and being a part of each others' lives. i love it. challenge: challenge has been good lately, as always, but i guess im realizing more and more the cost of being a loser (leadership team) and really serving others. instead of always being filled up, i am giving a lot. not that its a bad thing, i really enjoy it, and there are times specifically for us to get filled up too, cuz everyone needs that! but in general it has been more that way. my role has changed from last year. ive been thinking about what im doing this summer, and it might include a missions trip with challenge. ive really enjoyed getting closer to certain challenge people and becoming more of a family. i really wanna go swimming with quinn and alyssa sometime (two special needs kids) and just hang out with them. i love talking to the moms of challenge...the staffs' wives. i learn so much from them. i learn from a lot of people, actually, lol. rockies: pray. pray hard. its miracle time! in all seriousness, though, i just am so thankful for the friends God has put into my life. ive really made an effort this year to stay in good phone contact with a few certain people and its been really good, we talk every few weeks and its always awesome. i love my friends who take care of me and how we can all serve each other. its hard to let others show grace to me. ill pick up the slack on their stuff but i dont want to be the one who's not doing my share and making them work harder. which i think is good in general, but nobody can do that all the time and i dont need to feel completely guilty and freak out when i drop the ball. life is give and take, and i need to be able to take as well as give. there are just a few people lately who have really been particularly awesome to me...hehe you guys can sense how im feeling better than anyone and respond to that. its amazing. God's been teaching me quite a bit lately too! im not very teachable. there are certain people i just hate to learn from. i want to be more open to accepting what others notice about me and not instantly becoming defensive. i also am a horrible listener. i like talking too much. theres a lot about myself i want God to change, lol. and i also just have issues with thinking these thoughts about people that are completely uncalled for and stupid. ugh. but God's working in me! ok that was long but thats what ya get when ya dont update for who knows how long. Current Mood: sleepy (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 11th, 2007
10:22 pm	The Good and the Bad Actually, the bad and the good... Ilya is driving me nuts, worse than before. But Judith is AMAZING and so inspiring. i love the way she teaches me and i learn a lot from it. its like polar opposites for violin lessons. cuz i learn a lot from Ilya too...about how NOT to teach and what frustrates students. ha. im sick :-(. theres this cold thats going around like none other. but i feel MUCH better today than yesterday! tomorrow will be the real test cuz its a busy day. last night was fun, though :-). despite feeling miserable. basically, half the pruett house is sick too, including bethany, lindy, and hilary, and none of my house is sick...so gayle made chicken noodle soup for them and i went over there for dinner and to keep from contaminating my whole house. anyway, it was a blast...it was like being with my family (cept more ppl) when im sick. meaning, we can sound horrible in front of each other and laugh at how pathetic we all look and lay all over each others' beds and snuggle to keep warm when we're getting the chills and watch a movie :-). pretty much. it made it so much better to be with other people who are also sick...and who im comfortable with. i went over there again tonight cuz there was Bible study here and since im not doing it, it helps to get out of the house, otherwise im too tempted to sit in. but it was good again, we're all still not feeling too well but it was really good time...good talks...sisters in Christ :-). they really are like my sisters tho. and the guys my brothers. thats the beauty of it. especially this year...we're just getting closer and its fun to have an extended family here...more than people just treating me as brothers and sisters, we're just more comfortable with each other...its more a feeling than anything. a sense. that i can come in and go up to the girls room and jump in any of the 3 beds (or 6 right now i guess) and chill there and when they come into the room its not weird or awkward. that we can make fun of each other and truly challenge each other and ask the questions that you wouldnt talk about with most people. that we can have girl talks and do stupid things and burp and fart in front of each other without it being really awkward. that people dont feel too bad asking me to watch q & a for a second and theyre comfortable with me doing that. that i can bum rides and borrow cars a ton of this goes for my roomies too :-). oh, our house rules... God calls us to be a family...and i do have a family here. (long rambling about the things that make me happy) other than that, the year's going great! i love the teaching aspect of it. challenge is amazing. im playing on worship team now on a week-by-week basis which is kinda crazy but i LOVE it...had fun arguing with robby sunday night about music theory :-). i thought it would be harder than it is. but we'll see with everyone there on wednesday...this is what i want to do on violin, and its so good to be able to do it. and we're DECORATING our HOUSE on saturday!!!!!!!! im so excited!!!!!!! yeah. im done. just thought id write cuz i havent in awhile! Current Mood: loved (Comment on this)
Friday, August 31st, 2007
11:45 pm	Livin' in the Neighborhood!!! well. now that ive been here for awhile. school is good. kinda stressful but also fun. im learning string bass :-). it feels so awkward, ha. but really its been pretty good round here...the beginning of the week was REALLY stressful cuz of scheduling but its all taken care of now. ahhhhh...i love living in the neighborhood and being a loser. its amazing. having a HOUSE to invite people over to and just really serving. i love just serving. thats what ive found out. doing dishes. just watching alyssa and quinn. and all that fun administrative/organizing/whatever stuff that my mind just is suited for cuz im so detail-oriented. but its great here, i love coming home cuz its this nice, true "home" feeling rather than the "dorm-room-that-kinda-is-my-homeish-thing-in-boulder" feeling. lol. and my roomies are amazing! God is doing AMAZING things this year, we had 100 people at challenge...insane...we've never had anywhere near that many. and the bbq here was AWESOME, i loved hosting it, but it was crazy too!!! so many people. so tiring hehe. and i LOVE LOVE LOVE the internationals, and im just so excited about everything thats gonna happen this year. the freshman/other new peeps are awesome too. God is so good. He has been so faithful about answering our prayers. we prayed for good relationships with the japanese this year, and we've been hanging out non-stop! AND He also brought us some koreans and chinese to hang out with. so then we prayed for cultural barriers to be broken down (Christianity is only for Americans) and thru convos weve found out He's put other japanese/koreans/chinese in these guys lives, which is HUGE in understanding that God's Good News is a gospel for ALL nations! so then we're kinda overwhelmed with how many people are here but God's been building the ministry up for awhile and we have so many csi's and losers, more than ever! and more staff than ever! anyway and in the international ministry, three other people have expressed an interest in helping which is a total answer to prayer!!! God is SO GOOD!!!!!!! and im full of praise! Current Mood: sleepy (Comment on this)
Monday, August 13th, 2007
7:47 am	Home Sweet Home Home. That's where I am. In my new house. In Boulder. It's awesome. I love my roomies here, I love the fact that I can ride my bike everywhere here, I love having more than a dorm room!!!!! And, honestly, this place as felt like home...here and the Pruett's house...for awhile now. More than my dorm room last year. But now I'm actually living here. It really is my home. My picture wall is up :-). Along with a bunch of other stuff. And we have a dog. One of my roomies does, anyway. Sweet Pea!!! YAY BOULDER!!!!!!!! Can't wait for everything that's coming up! But first, a week to relax/clean/unpack/learn my music...yeah, about that... Current Mood: content (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 31st, 2007
9:18 am	Camp. Not like I can really wrap up my last two months in one journal entry, but I'll just write a little and see what comes out. Mountains. Trees. Sunshine. Rain. Clouds. COLORADO clouds...look so cool, so unique, spinning over the mountains. Ropes. Hiking. Drama class and the skit...I got to act out the part of a super-nerd...not too much acting there. And campfire skits, so much fun. Smores. Singing/playing, not for myself, not worrying about technique, but all for God. Kids. All over, all the time. They're so innocent and say some of the funniest things because of it. All the games, the camp songs, the cabin times just chilling with them. So many just want to be loved. To be held. To know that they're worth something because God made them and they're amazing. I had enough long discussions with 3rd graders to know about some of the crap that goes on in their lives. It's one of the hardest things to do, sit there and watch a sweet little girl crying her heart out and telling you all sorts of things you wish never existed had happened to her...and she's 8. And then there's the homesick ones... Staff...my new family, community, of 50 or so people. They're awesome and I miss them a lot. More specifically, our traditional counseling staff...these are the people that for 7 weeks, we spent nearly 24 hours a day together. When I woke up, they were the first people I saw, and when I went to bed, it was with them. The morning after I left, that was the hardest time...that's when it hit that I wasn't with these guys anymore. I miss the inside jokes, the cleaning, the volleyball, the team cheers, the worship team fun, the making fun of each other and trust falling and nicknames, but also the encouragement and hugs and holding each other up and that minute when you're filling up water pitchers where you get to do the 30-second how are you doing talk. Injuries. That wonderful, sweet hour in the dungeon. "Big people time" doing morning devos and counselor meetings. Sharing. Family. Me. What I learned about myself. Made with love. Control. Distractions. LOVE. That's the short story of my summer. Trusting God for everything. He never lets go. There's no time in a counselor's life to take a minute...take a break...process...it's gogogogogogogo. I was even planning my trips to the bathroom, for goodness' sake!!!!!!!!!! Now I savor alone time. Never realized how much I need it before. I miss camp. But it's a season in my life that's over now. An intense 2 months that have come to an end. Somehow that's not as hard for me to accept this year as it usually is. I know we'll keep in touch. Maybe not all of us, but some of us for sure. And we'll see each other again...in Heaven, how much better can ya get? I won't lie, I'm DYING to talk to my friends right now and at many times, especially when something reminds me of them or an inside joke and I look around and they're not there. It's amazing how close you can get in 7 weeks. And it helps that probably my closest friend from camp, her parents live in Castle Rock, so I'll probably get to see her in the next week or two (can't WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). I'm not naive enough to think that this is it...that I'll be over it...that I won't be missing it for a long time. But really, that time has passed and I know we can't go back...but we can savor the memories and keep the bonds strong. JESUS keeps our bond strong. As for next year...I would love LoVe LOVE to go back, maybe do SLT but I would totally counsel again, but God knows His plans for me and I don't so we'll see. He will lead me. I know I'm not at the point yet where I can truthfully say I'm willing to give it up. To never go back. I've already half-committed to Winter TB. But He'll get me there...it's not instant, of course I still want to go back, but if it's not God's will for me to be there, it won't be anywhere near as good, and I know this. It just might take awhile for it to get through to my heart. He knows. And that's camp. Current Mood: nostalgic (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 19th, 2007
12:00 am	Home Sweet Home ah, home. it's nice. i really love being here and being relaxed. i kinda forgot what that felt like. ive been reading a lot. and watching stargate. and basically taking part in my sis and bro's lives, watching their stuff and all. seeing some friends. helping my mom out around the house. the dreaded unpacking. praying a lot about the summer. waiting out our dialup internet. listening to music. getting practice in COOKING! not practicing like i should. seeing friends. like tomorrow at starbucks, im excited :-). but i also miss boulder terribly. mainly the people. its been a week since ive seen them and it feels like an eternity. my hallway in cheyho (which wont ever be there again, with the people), my neighborhood. ive been calling people after 9 (cell phone minutes) just to catch up and hear their voices. its weird not sharing life together after that's what we've done the past almost-year. its funny, after everything, coming home, the people i want to hang out with the most are my church friends. not the true cov-pres-ers that i didnt get along with that well but those from faith that ive known forever. im kinda excited to see them!!!!! my life's really not all that interesting here...not much to write about. im still really missing japan but its growing into more of a constant ache rather than a sharp pain everytime a memory washes over me. majide. ive been reading a lot of biographies (which i never thought id like this much) but theyve been so inspirational!!!!! sweet. the fun spots of my life. also talking to phylicia...ashleigh...and especially lindy tonight. ha, those guys are heading off to o-week...yeah. love all ya guys!!! p.s....my mood is melancholy cuz thats what i am!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahahaha. i dont know whether im more melancholy or choleric but right now im definitely acting mel...its my mood...hehehehehe. ok im tired otherwise i wouldnt have found that so insanely funny!!!!!!!!!!!! Current Mood: melancholy (Comment on this)
Friday, May 11th, 2007
8:07 am	End of Year Thoughts... we took japan to the airport this morning. i wanna cry. saying goodbye to them last night was one of the hardest things ever. and erika wasnt even there. which was so dissappointing, i wont get to say bye to her probably cuz shes still not home. but coming back from the pruetts house, it was a really quiet car with shawn mcdonald's nana playing in the background and sniffles pretty much the only sounds coming from us. then we got to willard. and said goodbye. and gave hugs (even lindy!!!!!). and everyone was crying some more. so then i walked with japan to the door where they all go in and i didnt want to leave...at all. they said theyd walk me to my dorm but i said no. so we said goodbye...and they went in...and the walk from their door to mine has never seemed so long, with tears rolling down my face, i couldnt look back to watch cuz i felt like i was leaving them forever. getting back to my dorm i called lindy. because she understands. i needed to hear the voice of someone who feels the same way...that they are taking a part of our hearts back with them to japan. i dont know if or when ill see them again. but we have shared so much this year. its like leaving some of my best friends. i really hate packing but i need to. like now. mom's coming soon. other than the goodbye part, last night was SO MUCH FUN!!!!! we had a random hairstyle party and gave the scrapbooks to japan and had a MAJOR chocolate fight!!!!! good times. its pretty much exactly how i would want to spend my last day...at the pruetts house, helping out and having fun. i will miss that this summer. but i was thinking, im so willing to go over there and serve and do dishes and clean and cook, and i need to have that same servants heart at my house. oh, yeah, im done with my freshman year, classes and finals. i hope they all went ok. i think i did pretty well. meh. that seems so unimportant right now. i dont think ill ever hear nana or crazy frog again without thinking about them. Current Mood: sad (Comment on this)
Friday, May 4th, 2007
3:29 am	:-I well, feeling better than last night... liz called me at like 11 when she went home. i was really happy that she called even though it still made me sad. i guess a bunch of people hung out at jennys house afterwards but obviously i didnt go to that cuz i didnt know :-(. now for the good stuff... IM DONE WITH CLASSES OF MY FRESHMAN YEAR OF COLLEGE!!!!! just finals now. tonight was a celebration night. quesadilla night with lindy and hilary (YAY SHES HOME) and tom, then scrapbooking with hil and lindy and then ice skating with those guys and erika and saori and susan and then spiderman 3 with all those people and about 30 more. it was amazing! tomorrow...i shall... work on *projects* (hehe bday/graduation/goodbye present stuff) sleep practice pack? i need to start taking down pics off of my wall cuz thatll take forever study? meet with haruna-chan! why am i so awake at 3:28 in the morning? oh, yeah, about spiderman 3, did anyone else think it was super sad? i mean, it was kinda sad i thought but hilary was bawling her eyes out (seriously, even after the movie ended) and we were all making fun of her...thoughts? Current Mood: awake (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 2nd, 2007
10:12 pm	:-( im sad. im sitting here in my dorm room since my orch concert ended 45 minutes ago. the challenge spring banquet is tonight. which is a huge detail, its like the biggest night of the whole year. real formal, at the red lion inn, everyones in prom dresses and such and theyre honoring the seniors and commissioning the summer teams and celebrating the year. and my orchestra concert had to be the same night. oh, yeah, they do it the last wednesday night of the spring semester every year. meaning ill never get to go to the spring banquet. and now my concerts over. i really wanted to catch up with challenge afterwards. but im sitting alone in my dorm room. nobodys answering their phones. guess i shouldnt be surprised, mine would be off too, but how special it would be if just one person picked up... i was over helping everyone get ready today. i didnt know whether i wanted to go or not cuz i wanted to see everyone all dressed up and pretty but i knew it would be depressing. and it was. when they dropped me off and sped off to a wonderful night i about cried. this sucks. i wish the situation were different. or that someone would give me a call back. i know there are bigger things in life. ive certainly seen a few of them in the past few weeks. this doesnt make a big difference in the grand scheme of things. but, right now, it would make a big difference to my heart. Current Mood: crushed (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 1st, 2007
12:21 am	Updates! guess im making up for the past month by updating a bunch now. today was horrible. cant say exactly why, i know some things, but it was different from a stressful, hard day. and it sucked. so after spending 2 hours in a practice room on the phone with lindy and bethany and then playing piano for GOD, i feel a little better. what would i do without those two? i dont know. its so hard for me to open up and be completely honest but i think they are the only two people who have seen/heard me crying this year :-). hehe some measure. but how they get me to open up i dont know...but im thankful for it! hilary comes home tomorrow. YIPPEE!!!!! Current Mood: crushed (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 29th, 2007
9:13 pm	Craziness... so im being launched into my CRAZY week!!!!! woohoo...sorta, kinda...NOT! from now on my life's pretty much crazy till school's out, but that's in 10 days!!! unfortunately, thats also 10 days without a break. hence the craziness part. oh, life. we just had a choir concert which went REALLY REALLY REALLY well, i think thats the best we've ever sung some of those songs, and all at the same time for the performance!!!!! yay Jesus! we had a roomie meeting today which was SO amazing and im super excited for next year. hehe itll be interesting tho with all of us cholerics in that one house...jenny and liz and me. and phylicia too but she's a lot more phleg than the rest of us. dang. it could be an intersting combo...but we all love God and each other and have the same heart for ministry so it should be good. had the losers meeting today too which was good, more looking toward next year and stuff. its easy to forget about this year, lol. i need to concentrate on the here and now, somewhat. oh, life. i love saying that these days. its so true. hehe bobby was at our concert tonight (me and bebe's) which was fun to see him. he's such a dad, at heart. i love it. actually i just love all the pruetts. but we've already discussed that... this week's gonna be so hard with finals and concerts and missing the challenge banquet so thats just depressing in itself but i was feeling really convicted a few days ago about my mouth and how much i complain. so im trying to not complain this week. ha, thats something i need God's help for. so if you catch me complaining...tell me to stop! its such a habit ive fallen into that is not honoring to God...Philippians 2:14-15 says "Do everything without complaining or arguing (that's pretty direct, no getting around that command from God), so that you may become blameless and pure (that's something I want, and it's the result of the action of non-complaining and non-arguing), children of God (what a comforting thought, our Heavenly Daddy) without fault in a crooked and depraved generation (that's our world so we must be st apart), in which you shine like stars in the universe (spots of light, not darkness...I think Christians today are viewed as dark spots in the world or "bad" places, but we are to be specks of LIGHT)." that's my verse of the week. with my insights, hehe. so itll be hard. but theres love and forgiveness and im convinced this is something God wants me to do. its crazy how close ive become with challenge people, its kinda funny actually...i spend SO much time with bethany especially but with a lot of the girls. and ill be like "im going home...i mean to the pruetts/challenge/jennys/zachs house. theyre my family away from my family, my home away from home, my SPIRITUAL family here in boulder. and this week i wont have that support or accountability or joy in hanging out with them that much cuz of my schedule. guess its time to step it up and follow God on my OWN! and its not like i wont see them ever...just not when i might want to...ive grown so accustomed to being around that all the time, im spoiled. thats my thoughts for the night! Current Mood: sad (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 26th, 2007
10:24 pm	Over a month later... wow, ive been a slacker at updating this. sorry guys...:-). this past month has been such a whirlwind! i love jumping into ministry life, time passes so quickly! even though the days are slow, it seriously feels like the semester just started. speaking of which, God has been doing AMAZING things in my life! with other people in my life...and with myself. boy, i am so far from the person He created me to be...but He loves me so much. amazing. i cant go to the challenge spring banquet cuz i have a concert...grrrrrrrrrr... last night was encouragement night at challenge which is always a great night. its just so uplifting. in society today, even with our friends, we make fun of each other. its not meant to hurt, and honestly, a lot of the time it doesnt. but what a change to sit there for 2.5 hours listening to people encourage one another!!! in that spirit...ive been thinking about how amazing my friends are. they keep me going, and are such a support system, expecially spiritually. hehe here are my one-liners (theoretically) on how cool they are... since forever, you've always been there for me, pushing me and growing with me and encouraging me...i dont know where id be without you. you are an amazing listener and comforter and have challenged me so much in this last month or so especially, i learn so much from you, and i cant wait for next year! i miss ya, girl, and im praying hard core for you during this time...whenever i go home i am so blessed by your love and how we can just pick up where we left off and share God stories :-). you're too much like me (im too much like you?) and ALWAYS know what to say to me...you're my shepherd and ive learned so much from watching you so i cant WAIT to learn even more next year and i really truly want to be like you someday :-). your faithful friendship has also meant the world to me, and seeing how you follow God in everything, all your circumstances...hope you come here soon :-). oh my friend, i cant even begin to put into words how much you mean to me, but your love and excitement and heart and love and willingness have rubbed off on me and inspired me...its been amazing sharing so much this year and i love LoVe LOVE you!!!!! i miss ya, buddy, and i love our relationship and how strong it is and how we can talk and be honest and help each other out and you share so much with me that nobody else does, i always miss our connection and the strong LOVE we share. my partner...i love your craziness that not many people get to see and your heart and your complete devotion and listening ear and how you work through things with me. you're one of those people that totally revolutionized my idea of Christian living and i so appreciate how you've let me be something of a younger sister to you and poured into me these past few years. its so good to find a friend who love the cube as much as i do...you've been a blessing in my life and i really do enjoy talking with you and solving cubes together and how your responses are always so thoughtful. i miss you, and everything about you, your smile and our talks and craziness and music and everything we shared...come back soon friend. my buddy :-) who has encouraged me so much, you point me to God all the time and i KNOW that you are faithful in praying for me and asking me about my life and you are just simply amazing. its been a crazy year, but ive been blessed to see God work in your life and to take part in this great journey...and you've taught me a lot too! your servanthood has been a blessing to me, and seeing how willing you are to learn and not know everything and also how solid you are. you are pretty much amazing and i have no clue how you do it, but i admire you so much and i really want to just talk and watch and learn, but i dont know how, hehe...but you are such a model to me. oh, friend, i was so encouraged by what you said the other night, and it meant a lot...i love your personality and heart for people and how i see you reaching out to so many people even in the midst of your circumstances. you've been on my mind a lot the past few days, because of everything, and i so admire your openness and willingness to share and strength and perserverance in everything, and how you are always so loving to me no matter what you are going through. i miss talking to you and going over to your house, you always seem to lift me up at just the right time when im down...i have so much respect for your perspective and advice. thanks for putting up with me, lol, for all my quirks and everything for so long, and im glad we get to continue this craziness... you are so loving to everyone and have shown me a whole different way of living, and i am so blessed and overjoyed by what you do. for the past few years, our relationship has been so strong and special to me, and i love all our inside jokes and fun stuff that we share, along with the hard stuff...i know i can always run to you and vent and you will listen. you are amazing, thats about all that needs to be said, and God was totally working when He placed you in my life and you have been such a comfort and reassurance to me while im far away. my crazy friend, im so glad to be your friend and to have taken part in each others lives and im so encouraged by how hard you work to stay in touch...im sorry im not better about it and i thank you for your genuine care about my life. cant wait for next year, for singing and laughs and movies and cards and breakfast food and CRAZINESS, and seeing how God is changing your life...even from the start, your open and teachable heart has challenged me so much! to a whole group of people...we arent as close as we could be but you guys always motivate me and fill my tank (hehe womens weekend) and keep me going...your love and prayers and random times hanging out create a community which is my home. to another group...I WILL MISS YOU GUYS SO MUCH, and i only wish i could have been more faithful with you, but i have to thank you for bringing me out and allowing me to be crazy and for being such good sports and loving me even when im being an idiot. and the last group...we havent talked as much this year, its true, but i know our bond remains strong and where i came from is you guys, you have molded me a lot and set me up for so much and i appreciate that and all the love you have shown me. and so many more. i could go on forever. maybe its lame to do this, i know its not the most fun thing to read, but i want my heart to be in the right place and one way i can do that is to think about God's blessings and how He has made each of us different and special and amazing and to focus on the strengths He's given us. yay Jesus! that just happened. BFF! dude. hello friend. lame sauce! done and done. the bp hello! God's love is good. and that's all i can think about right now. it is YOU, Father!!! Current Mood: encouraging (Comment on this)
Friday, March 23rd, 2007
2:45 pm	SPRING BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S SPRING BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so excited. SO excited!!!!!!!!!!!!! hehe im getting ready to go, i think. packed up and all. woohoo!!!!!!!!!! i really cant think about anything else right now. seriously. its pretty ridiculous. but im SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!! yay i get to see hilary soon :-). and spend time with some amazing challenge buddies. life is good. and then home with the fam and SOCCER and more goodness. and then back here for 5 more weeks of school, HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and then summer. working at c-heights. again, half of me says help me and half of me is excited out of my mind. yay driving...thats what ill be doing for the next however many hours...but its like ys tours, its not bad at all when ur with a bunch of friends. its super FUN!!!!!!!! hehe. less on the relaxing/sleeping end though. YAY JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU FOR GETTING ME THRU TO SPRING BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Current Mood: excited (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 20th, 2007
5:43 pm	Check!!! check. decisions made. God is so good. yay, sophie and julia came to visit today so i got to see them for a bit :-). fun fun!!! my day today is ridiculous...im heading off soon to an ultimate frisbee game, leaving early to get to a concert, and having a rehearsal after that. all this after 5 classes and a lesson today. gotta love life... on the upside, spring break is FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! good thing, too, it is DEFINITELY time!!! im so excited, going on a roadtrip with challenge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that's how i feel about that!!!!! :-) ok time to get ready for frisbee...only a few more days... "Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you." ~1 Peter 5:7 that's one of my memory verses for the week. what a cool thought. cast your anxiety on Him. i dunno bout you, but i sure dont want the whole world's anxiety being cast on me. in fact, i tend to get annoyed when just one or two people are dumping all their problems on me! but God says to give it to him. why? because He cars for us. wow. a perfect verse for my week. what an awesome God!!!!!!! Current Mood: on-the-run (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, March 12th, 2007
8:14 pm	Decisions, Decisions... wow. i have so much to be thinking about right now. its amazing my head isnt exploding... so, to start, where to live next year. actually ive already decided which is a HUGE burden off my shoulders. praise God!!! i was planning on living in the dorms but it didnt work out, so i was kinda left without a place. BUT Jenny's house still had spots in it so i will be living there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so excited...theres pretty much nowhere id rather be than the challenge neighboorhood with this amazing group of girls. jenny, phylicia, liz, and i. God is so good!!!!!!! next up, where the heck am i gonna be this spring break? i really want to go on the challenge roadtrip. but my family really does not like that idea. so i dont know. i want to honor my mom and dad but also GROW in the Lord which is what this trip is all about! plus i really do want to go. but i dont wanna disrespect my family. then comes summer. kinda the same deal. i could be at home. or at c-heights. or at project impact. i got accepted to camp, so that sounds awesome, and id be here in co and able to see my fam on weekends (maybe) and hang out w/ky and mo @ camp. that's a really giving position, with the emphasis on serving other people, but pi is emphasis on building US up. which is also so good. its in chicago, blah, hehe. plus it runs into the family reunion so id hafta leave early which would be SOOOOOOOOOOOO hard!!!!!!!!!! i dunno, God's really working on my heart in this one, cuz camp is SO important to me and the last thing in the world i want to give up. but i want the decision to be His, not mine. and of course theres being at home which i really dont wanna do but my fam likes that idea. of course, i could go to camp next summer but theres a chance i wouldnt get hired, specially if i turn it down this year, they only hire 6 ppl. i could go to project impact next year too, either as a participant, or i could apply as a leader. or i could go overseas or something with focus. dunno how my fam feels bout me being gone every summer, but... my baptism is another thing God worked out WONDERFULLY!!!!! my fam can be there and i can still do it on easter :-). and im pretty sure lindy's getting baptized with me which is SO good, my lindy-chan lol. its definitely something we've been going thru and dealing with together so it would mean a lot to actually do it together! so, if you were wondering why im fasting from sweets right now...this is why :-). too many decisions! boo for daylight savings time. i was leading a group of middle school girls all weekend (which was AWESOME by the way) but we were running around the church till bout 12:30 old time, 1:30 new time, so i got 4-5 hours of sleep that night...and i need my sleep on the weekends so bad cuz i dont sleep during the week...but...i plan on catching up some tonight! Current Mood: tired (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 3rd, 2007
12:49 pm	Random it has been a weird, random few days!!! first of all, ive been sick and having asthma issues which sucks. i hate it. it sucks all my energy. greeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaattttttttttttt. concert tomorrow...my first time conducting!!!!!!!!!! kinda scary, we arent ready. but im excited anyway. last night was one of the most random nights ever. makeuping lindy (I LOVE NY), then writing in chinese/japanese on her forehead, then whipped creaming her face, then making a cookie out of cookie dough from cookie dough ice cream. cu honor band tomorrow!!!!!!!!! its been fun running into some of my buddies around here. well, i got accepted to camp and i now i hafta decide!!!!!!!!!!! weird talks with my parents, its been kinda rough, but ok at the same time. good talks with steph. thank goodness. and now im getting ready to go over to jenny's house or the pruett's house to do hw. why? just cuz. id much rather do it there, its a good environment, rather than here in my dorm room where ill be distracted! yay bus adventures!!! Current Mood: sick (Comment on this)